I have no plans to get married. Ever.
I have nothing against the institution of marriage. I think it’s a lovely thing when it works. I’m just not… interested. I don’t think it’s for me. Same goes for romantic relationships in general. I am serious. I think I’m done. I’ve been single for almost four years and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. I like this life. I do what I want, when I want, and never have to consult with anyone about what to have for dinner. The only splayed limbs in my bed are my own. Also, loneliness seems to be a foreign feeling to me. I like hanging out with myself.
So marriage is not in my future. However, it seems unfair that those who choose to wed receive gifts, and I, a person who has chosen not to wed, do not receive gifts. Carrie Bradshaw was onto something when, in the Sex and the City episode “A Woman’s Right to Shoes,” she registered at a Manolo Blahnik store despite having no wedding on her horizon, just so her friend would be guilted into replacing an expensive pair of stolen sandals.
I believe I deserve gifts the same way someone who decides to spend their life consulting on meals and untangling themselves from someone else’s splayed limbs deserves them. We all deserve a nice gravy boat. I don’t eat gravy often, but I might. And why shouldn’t I have a nice gravy boat just like everyone else?
But while I am entitled to gifts as much as the next “lucky bride,” I don’t actually need a gravy boat. Or anything, really. I’ve got plenty of things. So here is my solution:
Pick out something you would buy for me as a wedding gift if I were to get married. Whatever the amount of that item is, donate it to Fred’s Team, the cancer fundraising organization I am raising money for in this year’s NYC Marathon.
This satisfies several things at once:
- I get a “gift” in lieu of a wedding gift because I deserve nice things too.
- I don’t get an actual thing as a gift, because I have enough things.
- You throw a few bucks to cancer research.
- I get closer to reaching my fundraising goal.
- We all feel great!
If you’ve already donated, feel free to ignore this entire post. And thank you.
Here are some suggestions for things to not buy for me and donate the equivalent money to my fundraising efforts instead. Remember, do not actually buy me these things. I do not want them.
Beaded Metal Wastebasket in Stainless Steel from Bed Bath & Beyond, $9.99
Hot Dog Keychain from Etsy, $12.00
Mr. Right & Mrs. Always Right Stemless Wine Glasses from Bed Bath & Beyond, $14.99
Autumn Wall Décor 15″ Wood Wreath from Wayfair, $18.99
Cash from your bank, $20
Some Bullshit to Put on My Wall from Goalcast, $25.99
Toilet Caddy from Target, $26.59
The Holiday Aisle Layla 3-D Turkey 2 Piece Gravy Boat Set from Walmart, $27.99
Pug Shower Curtain from Shop Awesome Stuff 365, $40.97
Fun and Quirky Throw Pillow Assortment from Overstock, $44.99
Rotating Round Belgian Waffle Maker from Houzz, $59.95
4-Piece Ceramic Knife Set from KitchenAid, $79.99
Personalized Faux Bois Vase from Uncommon Goods, $90.00
Bad Bitch Necklace Set by Bing Bang NYC, $150.00
HATTEFJÄLL Swivel chair from Ikea, $219.00
Those are just a few ideas but feel free to come up with your own thing to not buy for me for my not wedding while donating the equivalent amount to Fred’s Team!