I feel like I’ve been hibernating. Like, as a person. Between not updating this blog for a week and not running for two, do I even exist? In a weird way, I feel like I don’t, at least not fully. I swear I’m not joking. Like I’m half… here. Or there. One or the other. Just floating through my days, waiting to feel like a whole person again. Not sad, just still. Half asleep.
Some people feel incomplete when they’re not in a relationship. I feel that way when I’m not running. I don’t care about romance and if I never have it again it will be totally fine with me. I’m not looking for it. It’s a lot of energy and effort and just plain tiring. Like the whole initial “getting to know someone” phase where you have to eat meals together and sit through movies you don’t like and talk all the time? Fucking exhausting. So I’m not in that camp. But I need to run.
But that’s not really the best way to go through life. You can’t have anything external – a romantic partner, physical activity, or even a career – make you feel like a whole human being. You’re enough as yourself, with or without any of those things. All that stuff is extra. Icing on the cake as you make your way through your one life, ideally trying not to hurt anybody, destroy anything, or die.
In between questioning what it means to be human, I’ve still been working out every day. In the past two weeks, I’ve done one or two Fitness Blender routines every morning with the exception of one day when I just did yoga because I was tired and some days you need something close to a rest day.
I like the every day method for exercise. It works for me. I generally alternate upper and lower body routines, and I’ve found that varying up the workouts and the weights I use allows me to be able to strength train with any body part two days in a row, as long as both days are not of equal intensity. I never do the same workout twice in one week.
It’s been working – despite not running for the past two weeks, I actually feel (and dare I say look? honestly, it’s hard to tell) more fit than usual. I also haven’t gained or lost any weight, which is exactly what I’ve been aiming for, so that’s worked out nicely.
One good thing about the every day method? There are no excuses to skip a day, so it never enters my mind. Ever. I never wake up and think “Do I want to work out today?” The option is just not on the table. So that one skipped day never turns into two, which never turns into three, which never turns into “oops how have I not worked out in the past month and a half?” There’s no snowball effect. The snowball does not start. There is no snowball.
And if I need an “off” day? That’s why yoga exists.
As far as my bum knee (the reason for my current running hiatus), I was scheduled to have an MRI this past Wednesday, but Storm of the Century #378694 made me opt to stay home that day so as not to get caught up in a bunch of Long Island Railroad delays (of which, apparently, there were many). I rescheduled it for Monday, so I hope to know more then about why my inner right knee is a bit sore when I get up after sitting and also when I stretch it.
It’s weird because it doesn’t feel like an injury – still not what I would describe as “pain.” More like a bruise on the joint that I only feel when I have my leg in certain positions. I barely feel it most of the time. But it’s there, and it hasn’t gotten worse but it also hasn’t gotten better.
I’m trying to be okay with this whole not running for a few weeks thing. Sometimes my brain does this thing where I magnify the intensity of everything: if I don’t run for two weeks, I will lose ALL the progress I’ve made over the past four years. That kind of thing. But I have to remind myself that that’s not a realistic way of looking at things. Just as I don’t need to run in order to feel like a whole person, I shouldn’t think that a few weeks off from a specific physical activity is going to have lasting, negative effects. I’ll be okay.
After all, it is Bagel Friday.
Bonus: here are some snowy pics I took in the backyard this week: